Philosophical Fight Log: Day 10- Of Men and Mission
When I first stepped into my MMA/BJJ gym back in early February of this year, I was anxious, depressed, direction-less, bored, and a whopping 206lbs at only 5’8”. It was the heaviest I had ever weighed in my life. My diet and nutrition was non-existent and I was effectively sedentary. My sleep patterns and mood were a mess. I was likewise embarrassed to go to my local weightlifting gym; a place where I myself actually used to be a personal trainer and amateur bodybuilder and a place that for years, used to be such a source of social approval, community, and positive emotions. I was also effectively job-less, career-less, and starting over again, at age 41, after not one but two defunct career paths; one as a military officer and the other as an academic philosopher, and clinging to a book manuscript that I wasn’t sure, at the time, was actually going to see the light of day. In the thick of this funk and at the encouragement of a friend, I decided to start training on the mat again.
It was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life.
Existentially unmoored, uncertain, and directionless, training at the gym consistently in the evenings began to give me a concrete challenge, goal, and proxy to begin organizing and regimenting my life around. It gave me something, anything to do. It gave me a mission. Even if the rest of my life was in a state of chaos and uncertainty, within the walls of the gym and on the wrestling mat, there was an eye in the storm where I could find stability, order, and refuge.
Have we not seen this story repeat itself time and time again though, especially for restless, directionless, mission-less men?
Consider how a bored, sedentary, and depressed Mike Tyson who, once firmly deciding upon his mission, amazingly went from 289lbs to his old fighting weight of 220lbs to fight Roy Jones Jr. at age 54 while still looking absolutely terrifying in the process.[1][2]
Or consider the now famous case of Tyson Fury, who, after winning against Wladimir Klitschko in 2015, and then promptly retiring, soon found himself depressed, mission-less, and driving his Ferrari at 190mph on the Hollywood freeway looking to smash headlong into a bridge.[3] Like his namesake, Tyson thankfully chose not to go through with it, to turn his life around, to re-establish his mission, and to come back to fully cement his legacy as one of Boxing’s all-time Heavyweight greats.[4]
Or, lastly, consider MMA fighter, ‘The Immortal’ Matt Brown, as well as other MMA stars who have noted their own personal struggles with substance abuse and how MMA and fighting gave them a positive path to escape such addiction.[5] Once again, the mission that MMA gave these fighters was one of the primary sources of motivation to help pull them out of their dark personal rut.
While not nearly as epic or extreme as these examples, my situation was still not all that dissimilar. I had lost my way. I had no mission and I needed to find one again.
Starting out at the gym was physically, mentally, and emotionally taxing. Each day, having a set of relatively unknown strangers; strangers who were faster, stronger, and markedly better than me in this domain, repeatedly witness me, the newbie outsider, be clumsy and uncoordinated and demonstrate mental and physical weakness, was at times, both demoralizing and alienating, and made me, many times, want to give up completely or find an excuse to head for the door and to never come back. There were plenty of times in the early days of training where I wanted to just quit.
As the weeks and months progressed, however, and I began losing weight, gaining muscle and conditioning, making friends and teammates, and seeing improvements in my skillsets, I actually began toying, however briefly, with the idea of training for an actual BJJ tournament, or Kickboxing smoker, or an MMA match, mainly because so many other people around me at the gym were doing these things as well. At first, it was just a whim.
But, as the old saying goes, “Hang around a barbershop long enough and you’ll end up with a haircut.”
I guess that’s essentially what happened to me. Humans, after all, are fundamentally social creatures, and we pick up many of our habits and values through osmosis and from the people and contexts we hang around most consistently. I guess my case is no different. The hard part, of course, is making the first existential leap to throw yourself into those contexts to begin with.
All this being said, it is now looking like my upcoming fight might actually happen at a catch-weight of 160lbs, (46lbs south of where I began this journey.)
I will know more specifics on Monday and whether the fight is an official ‘go’ or not, but things are sounding positive. Things are in fact looking like my latest mission is nearing completion.
And that is a very, very good thing to know.
[1] https://www.essentiallysports.com/boxing-news-mike-tyson-reveals-his-incredible-weight-loss-journey/
[3] https://www.the-sun.com/sport/boxing/403493/tyson-furys-wife-paris-tells-of-horror-after-husband-got-into-ferrari-and-told-her-im-not-coming-back-while-suicidal/
[5] https://www.sportskeeda.com/mma/5-ufc-fighters-overcame-addiction